Geoff Tibballs

Don’t think of yourself as being lazy: think of yourself as a relaxaholic.

Learn to accept that the only way you’ll ever have a smokin’ hot body is to be cremated.

Don’t think of yourself as being lazy: think of yourself as a relaxaholic.

If the doorbell rings just as your partner is on the brink of orgasm, don’t ignore it. It could be that parcel you’ve been waiting for.

Stare at people you don’t like through the prongs of a fork and pretend they’re in jail.

Sometimes the first step to forgiveness is coming to the realization that the other person is a total idiot.

Life would be easier if you could mark people as spam.

‘To have a grievance is to have a purpose in life.’

It is for those of us who are comfortable in our own skin, even if it doesn’t fit us anymore.

‘If you can keep your head while all around you are losing theirs, you probably haven’t understood the seriousness of the problem.’