Robert M.Drake

2/20.

It hurts right now, you’re tired of going through the same old shit. Your heart is weary, but you’re still powerful. Strong enough to walk away, strong enough to make it without the person you thought you needed.

Your heart is aching, but you pose and smile in Instagram photos, pretending to have the time of your life. Deep down you’re hurting, trying things and nothing’s working, but you’ve grown accustomed to acting like everything is perfect. You’re worth it, maybe you just forgot. Maybe you’re in like or in love with someone who treats you like you’re not. Maybe your heart has fallen into hands too weak to hold it. Maybe you are too proud, too bold, too embarrassed to show it. Your soul aches beneath the weight of all this emotional pain. Your soul continues to crack as you continue to act as if everything is okay, but nothing is okay and most of what is wrong is now buried beneath the lies you tell yourself and others.

I just wish you could see yourself in the light, but you’re used to this, being left in the dark. Standing in the middle of chaos, trying your hardest to keep it together. Clinging to that relationship that should end, still hoping for a forever. You deserve so much more, and deep down you know this. Open your eyes, stand up, please focus. Understand each and every word. You are the reason I wrote this.

exit here.

All I wanted was for you to try. I was always asking for too much whenever I was asking you. Being made to feel needy by someone who didn’t need me. Believe me, I’ve gone back and forth with myself over all of this. Plotting ways to walk away in hopes of saving my own heart. Ripped apart by my own inability to see a life without you. Blind while with you, damp tissues next to the bed, I play back all the fucked-up things you said. Hurting my head while overthinking, sinking into a pit of all the shit I should forget. My greatest regret is that I didn’t leave sooner, couldn’t leave sooner. I let you trample upon my dreams, tearing me at the seams. Your love was never what it seemed or what you made it out to be. I believed lies wrapped in paper labeled “truth.” My life filled with drama the moment I gave my heart to you. Emotional abuse and plenty of excuses, hanging on your every word like several criminals in nooses. And now my soul is screaming, can you hear it? Will you listen? I can’t take this shit anymore, I found the door, fuck it, I’m finished.

the gift index.

You can’t change people.

Assholes

are going to be

assholes.

Rebels

are going to be

rebels.

And loners

are going to be

loners, man.

But you can change

your perception of them.

And how all of them

don’t want to be alone.

All of them need someone

or something

to love.

No matter what they say

or don’t say.