The Explosive Child

the only concern on the table is the Adult’s concern, you’re using Plan A. If the only concern on the table is the Child’s, you’re using Plan C. If both concerns are on the table, you’re using Plan B

Child: I’m too tired to do my homework.
Adult (Empathy): You’re too tired to do your homework

Child: I’m not taking my meds. (This isn’t a concern; it’s a solution

Goleman has referred to as emotional illiteracy—

See, Mom and Dad, I have this little problem. You guys—and lots of other people—are constantly telling me what to do or demanding that I shift from how I was thinking to how you’re thinking, and I’m not very good at it. In fact, when you ask me to do these things, I start to get frustrated. And when I start getting frustrated, I have trouble thinking clearly and then I get even more frustrated. Then you guys get mad. Then I start doing things I wish I didn’t do and saying things I wish I didn’t say. Then you guys get even madder and punish me, and it gets really messy. After the dust settles—you know, when I start thinking clearly again—I end up being really sorry for the things I did and sai