Don't Take My Grief Away from Me

As you walk through the journey there comes a time when you need to begin to break the pattern of self-absorption and begin to get yourself off of your hands and no longer be dominated by how you feel. I do not know any better way to do this than by reaching out to others in grief and becoming a safe person to them on their journey. That is grief’s twelfth step.

Twelfth Step of AA which demands that, when an alcoholic finds sobriety, he/she must then reach out to help others. That doing so actually helps keep them sober, not just because it is a reminder of what addiction can do to a life, but because it helps get them focused on something besides themselves. Addiction by its very nature means the person has become so self-absorbed that nothing matters except how they feel. Reaching out to others in the middle of the night demands that they think of others and, at least to that degree, breaks the hold of self-absorption.

The night my wife died I said, “I have had fifty-seven years of a wonderful marriage. All I can feel is grateful and lucky for a wonderful life.”