My Fat, Mad Teenage Diary

Told her all about the weekend and she said Harry sounded like a wanker. I said, ‘OH MY GOD, WHY?’ She said, ‘He said he snogged you partly out of sympathy, Rae?? You don’t need some public schoolboy’s sympathy! You are one of the funniest, sweetest people I have ever known.’ I said, ‘He didn’t mean it like that,’ and she was like, ‘How did he mean it, then????’ I’m sure he didn’t. I love Mort

Harry, did you do that out of sympathy

Well, I’ve felt really achy (probably angina not flu) so I wasn’t going to go to the party.

I’ll decide whether or not to go later

She was right to be worried. Frankly, to use late 1980s terminology, I was gagging for it. Like most teenagers, I was desperate to lose my virginity. However, I already had a lover that made me look pregnant but actually ensured that I would never, ever become a teenage pregnancy statistic: Food.

Some names, circumstances and identifying details have been changed to protect the identity/privacy of the individuals concerned.

Title Page Copyright Dedication This is my . . . Acknowledgements Some names, circumstances and identifying details have been changed to protect the identity/privacy of the individuals concerned. All of the events happened to the author as described. MY FAT MAD TEENAGE DIARY Rae Earl

My husband – for not letting me burn these diaries when I wanted to . . . Kevin Earl – for three decades of comedy genius but especially for the card game ‘Wolf’ But most of all For my mum – for not letting me watch Threads and for saying the immortal words ‘You can print what you like if I can have a new cooker’ THIS IS MY FAT, MAD TEENAGE DIARY, Volume 1 – 1989. It’s pretty self-explanatory, but for things to make sense, you need a bit of background. And I need to

But why don’t people get the message and buy me stuff that I want, like records and books?

And do you know what else I HATE about this time of year? Mistletoe. If there’s one thing that forces the issue about how unattractive I am to men, it’s that stuff.