Английский шутя. Английские и американские анекдоты для начального чтения

It's just too hot to wear clothes today.

A policeman stops a lady and asks for her license. He says, «Lady, it says here that you should be wearing glasses.»
The woman answered, «Well, I have contacts.»
The policeman replied, «I don't care who you know! You're getting a ticket!»

the sharpest nail in the bucket

Homer was exultant

the sharpest nail in the bucket

(очень хорошо) Not only will I allow you in (я не только позволю тебе войти), but for being faithful to your wife (но за верность жене; faithful — верный; faith — вера) I will give you a huge mansion (огромный особняк) and a limo (лимузин) for your transportation."

/), "I will ask you each a simple question (я задам вам каждому простой вопрос).

the record (в записи, архиве; record [ˈrekɔ(r)d]

right ahead (начинай, давай /действуй/: "иди прямо вперед").

"But why did you make them such airheads? (такими легкомысленными: "воздушноголовыми")"