A parent’s guide to giving wise advice, asking questions, encouraging good habits, and other ways to annoy their teenager.

*Ask them about girlfriends or boyfriends in front of relatives

*Run out on the basketball court with a first-aid kit if they’re hurt during a game

*Fall asleep when your teen is telling you what Sue said to Jennifer and what Jennifer told Maryanne and what Karen did then

How to Ruin Your Children’s Lives is a survival manual for enduring the transmutation of loving child to hostile teenager, and—with a little luck—maintaining enough sanity to one day hear those longed-for words, “Hey, I guess you weren’t so stupid after all.”

Purple hair? Belly rings? Bizarre musical tastes? Not a problem as long as you have these nearly 300 tips and tactics close at hand. With resident teenagers slamming doors and screaming at the top of their lungs, “You're ruining my life!” parents should at least make certain they’re handling the job with poise.

Good Granny/Bad Granny