Elaine Aron

other words, expand your use of your giftedness beyond producing the most noticed ideas at work. Use it to attain greater self-insight and to gain wisdom about human beings in groups and organizations.

Training situations can be very overarousing because you tend to perform worse when being observed or when overaroused in any other way—for example, being given too much information at once, having too many people around talking or straining to learn, imagining all the dire consequences of failing to remember something.

On the other hand, you may be having to come to terms with a vocation that was often blocked by other responsibilities or by your culture’s failure to appreciate you. If you can reach a place of peace about this, then you may well be the wisest of us all.

Jung pointed out that the more successfully introverted you are, the more pressure builds in the unconscious to compensate for the inward turning.

The best protection against falling in love too intensely is being more in the world, not less.

Ellen had grown up unconsciously programmed. First, she was programmed to avoid attaching to anyone, since her caretakers had changed so often. But at a deeper level she was programmed to watch for someone like Mrs. North and then to risk everything to be secure once again, as she had been for a few hours each day in infancy with the actual Mrs. North.

We all go out programmed in some way: to please and cling to the first kind person who promises to love and protect us;

But also Cupid’s arrow usually pierced their armor only at the moment when they found out that the other person liked them.
These two factors—liking certain things about the other and finding out the other person likes you—give me an image of a world in which people walk around admiring each other, just waiting for someone else to confess their love. This image is important for HSPs to keep in mind because one of the most arousing moments in one’s life is either confessing or receiving a declaration of affection.

For example, one study found that women students whose self-esteem had been lowered (by something they were told during the experiment) were more attracted to a potential male partner than those whose self-esteem had not been compromised. Similarly, people are especially likely to fall in love after a breakup.

Look back at your own love history. Has low self-esteem played a role?
The main solution, of course, is to build up your self-esteem by reframing your life in terms of your sensitivity, doing some inner work on whatever else lowered your confidence, and getting out in the world on your terms and proving to yourself that you’re okay. You’ll be surprised how many people will love you deeply just because of your sensitivity.