Ambrose Bierce

Item connotes an aggregate of which it is a unit – one thing of many.

we can say the week last past. But will we?

Laundry
Meaning a place where clothing is washed, this word cannot mean, also, clothing sent there to be washed.

Most of these books were merely stupid, though some of them added the distinction of silliness

ACQUAINTANCE, n. A person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to. A degree of friendship called slight when its object is poor or obscure, and intimate when he is rich or famous

CLOCK, n. A machine of great moral value to man, allaying his concern for the future by reminding him what a lot of time remains to him.

COMFORT, n. A state of mind produced by contemplation of a neighbor's uneasiness.

CYNIC, n. A blackguard whose faulty vision sees things as they are, not as they ought to be. Hence the custom among the Scythians of plucking out a cynic's eyes to improve his vision.

DEFAME, v.t. To lie about another. To tell the truth about another.

DEFENCELESS, adj. Unable to attack.