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The greatest gift to others is our own best selves. Thus, paradoxically, if we are to serve relationship well, we are obliged to affirm our individual journey.

But the driven person is never at peace with the soul, for the productivity is a defense against the angst of powerlessness. In the field of intimate relationships, this strategy plays out in being a controlling person or in being attracted to one easily controlled. The partners in such a relationship operate in the realm of power, not love,
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since the psycho-logic of the powerless person is to seize as much power as possible and work life so as not to replay the deep fears felt as a child.

It is very hard not to see oneself as the byproduct of one's personal history

o at some point, each of us is obliged to say, "I am not only what happened to me; I am also what I choose to become."

Obviously, only if one's fear can be made conscious can one expect to evolve.

I used to have a fantasy that somewhere there was a Big Book of collective wisdom called
What To Do When
. It contained the prescribed solution to all life's problems. Whenever you found yourself in a conflict you could just look it up in the book and do what it said

Taking responsibility for ourselves is the greatest terror of our journey, and the greatest gift we can bring to the Other.

Rarely is this progression welcomed as a chance for personal growth, or as an opportunity to know who, really, is the Other, if not the one we thought we'd hooked up with. Quite the contrary, we resent the formerly loved one for having now, maliciously, become unlovable.

No one is angrier than someone doing "the right thing" and secretly wishing for something else.

t has been said that violence is the language of the inarticulate.