Patrick King

If you walk through the day and can’t find a single person to engage in friendly banter with, it’s not because everyone is “unfriendly” or “awkward”—it’s because you are

A people-pleaser is worried about rejection. They have a need, as we all do, to be accepted and treasured—to be loved.

People-pleasers promise to do everything for anyone—even if they hate it or are lying

But when a child does something to irritate or anger them, a parent or guardian might express disapproval, possibly through punishment. We then understand their love as conditional. If we don’t behave how our parents want, we sense they’re rejecting us. We may perceive them as being emotionally unavailable or at best only occasionally available.

We allow friends, employers, and significant others—not ourselves—decide how valuable we are.

To get unstuck in that destructive pattern, start treating yourself with more compassion and kindness. Try to be a good friend to yourself. Instead of being the first to blame yourself for every mistake or disapproval from others, be gentle with yourself. Remember that you’re allowed to mess up, that you’re not responsible for others’ happiness, and, most importantly, that you’re allowed to put yourself first.

you expect yourself to be the perfect parent, child, sibling, friend, neighbor, and colleague all rolled into one, never upsetting anybody or messing up any of those relationships, then you’re setting yourself up for failure. You’ll be bound to feel like you’re never enough, because the reality is that no single person can be everything to everyone.

I don’t want to be alone, I want to be left alone – Audrey Hepburn

▪ conscientiousness
▪ agreeableness
▪ extraversion
▪ openness
▪ neuroticism

propel you forward