Citati iz knjige „The Chaos of Longing“ autora K.Y. Robinson

sometimes i wonder if i’m too much rainfall and not enough sun.
you are all the makingsof love at first sight.
you can’t make anyone love you no matter how many timesand waysyou lay down your body,your heart,and your worldat their feet.
i already know how to set your body on fire and watch the trail of ashes smolder but i want to learn how to find a place in your heart.
i never believed in serenity
until i felt your breath
on the nape of my neckevaporating the chaos crawling on my skin.
when i dream of you,i will hold you hostage underneath my eyelids.
i will grow on you
like weeds
in an untended garden.
you’ll yank me out
in hopes that something
beautiful will sprout
in my place
but it never does.
i will slowly seep
into the floorboards
of your heart
until they squeak
and buckle.
this will be your new home
and you cannot afford to leave.
i won’t let you.
trapped
underneath their fingertips. you held it hostage the entire time.
self-love ii
self-love is a journey. sometimes you must take it in the heat of the day. you will find yourself on the side of the road thirsty, sweaty, and out of breath.you will crave instant gratification. you will want to slither your way back to your choice
of poison, throw your head
back, and take a desperate gulp because their skin is all you
know.
please don’t. it’s time to learn new things. it’s time to give the loveyou denied yourselfbut frantically searched for in others.it’s time to realize thatlove was never
don’t stay in a moment for too long. you tend to lose yourself. darling, you must be tiredof feeling your way outof the darklong after they’ve left.it’s time to find the light.
devotee
you can’t make anyone love you no matter how many timesand waysyou lay down your body,your heart,and your worldat their feet.
they will only step over youuntil they’re readyfor you to wash their feet with your hair and to set them on fire with your tongue.
they can tell by the look in your eyesand the way you surrender when you part your thighsthat you deify them.
truth
when you find your voice, keep it. hold it close like your very first teddy bear. swell with pridewith each letterpressed against pagesthat broke the leveesin your throat
there’s a universe swirling inside you. you have to learn to be your own earth,wind, fire,and water.you are a naturalphenomenon—not a natural disaster.
ordered
there is chaos in our bones.grind theminto ashes.cry over them until they’re dissolved.if you’re all cried out,find the nearestbody of waterthat swells in salt.repeat untilthe chaos comes into order.heal.
was willing
to learn our pieces
to make us whole.
i grasped
and strangled
every hope
and endured the
asphyxiation of love.
i’ve learned
to breathe
without you.
exit my wounds
so i can heal.
was bound to drown butthe warrior in me prevailed.
buried them deep but this book of ache and longing collapsed from its spine and found you and mehiding underneath the weight of the words.it’s time to set these pages free
and i don’t give a damn
how you feel about it.
when they stop calling,do not take your shoes offand make yourself at home in the corridors of despair.do not beg them to retrace the atlas of your body in hopes they will discover something worthy of exploring and loving.do not resent your reflection
or question your worth.
you have always
been enough.
lost
i was so preoccupied with loving you that i failed to love myself.
we are more than our unholy history.we are a beautiful tapestry of resilience, sisterhood, and hope.i won’t let anyone tell us different.
healing requires every cell in your bodybut i’m so used to dealing with myself in fragments.
sometimes i liftthe scab to revisitthe pink flesh of painto feel more alive.
i don’t know who i am without this bitterharvest of pain.would i know what peace looked likeif it gently knocked on my heart? would i open the dooror pretend i wasn’t home?
who helped you plant and erect these toxic thoughts that grew in the thicket of your reality?
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