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Monica Wofford

Make Difficult People Disappear

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Mark Ongje citiraoпре 2 године
Our gift choices are more often about us then they are about the person for whom we’re buying that gift, and the same is true of our communication effort with respect to the CORE attributes and our natural tendencies.”
Mark Ongje citiraoпре 2 године
you merely want to remind yourself of what motivates the other person the most and then strategize a bit before you have the conversation
Mark Ongje citiraoпре 2 године
Again, it is a behavior, usually brought on by stress, not a way of being for you or those other people. You all manage to work together beautifully until there’s a major challenge or change or stressful event; and now that you understand some of the behaviors and some of the triggers, it would serve you well to look at how someone is behaving differently, yes?”
Mark Ongje citiraoпре 2 године
We’ve all developed a strong set of coping skills and mechanisms, but when the stuff really hits the fan, how we cope will likely reflect who we naturally are—and our most dominant natural trait.
Mark Ongje citiraoпре 2 године
How is it that Commanders can appear so coldhearted and yet be the very same folks often promoted into leadership and able to perform the role so successfully? Cybil believed she wasn’t as “next” focused or task focused as the trainer described, and she hoped the trainer would address that.
Mark Ongje citiraoпре 2 године
Even after she asked him what his opinion was or what he thought, giving him a full 30 seconds to respond, he would decline to engage in the conversation and would say he had nothing to share.
Mark Ongje citiraoпре 2 године
was almost as if there were items to be checked off of her list: Share opinion, have argument, check, check! Once that was done, she could move on and often did. It wasn’t intended to be cold or disrespectful or inconsiderate of Dave’s needs, but it just didn’t make logical sense to her to share any more thoughts on the matter or discuss it further once she said what she needed to say. She assumed that he would also say what he needed to say at that moment, and if he said nothing, the assumption was he had nothing to share. However, it took him usually about three solid days to bring up the issue
Mark Ongje citiraoпре 2 године
They shared things that Relaters may do when under stress, such as becoming quiet, acting in a passive-aggressive manner, and whining, all of which were on the handout they were looking at. Not surprisingly, Rick remained quiet and seemed concerned that he might be called on again.
Mark Ongje citiraoпре 2 године
What do Relaters do when they are angry or under exceptional stress?”
Mark Ongje citiraoпре 2 године
Relaters really struggle, because they typically take these types of behaviors from the Commanders very personally
Mark Ongje citiraoпре 2 године
Commanders, when under stress, are perceived as being very difficult to deal with, particularly by the Relaters.
Mark Ongje citiraoпре 2 године
What do Commanders do when they are angry?” the trainer asked the class.
All were quick to chime in with comments that included yell, scream, throw things, stare intensely, get really bossy, become overly controlling, or act belligerent
Mark Ongje citiraoпре 2 године
Let’s take the differences between Commander and Relater behaviors as another prime example.”
Mark Ongje citiraoпре 2 године
do we expect that there is only one way to do that and that others haven’t found a route that also works for them, one that might look and sound different yet still get them to the same destination? When those expectations are at play, it’s no wonder workplaces, and lives, are rampant with miscommunications and unresolved differences that people begin to take personally.
Mark Ongje citiraoпре 2 године
we are always saying or doing things in the way that really works only for us, then we are doing those with whom we are communicating a disservice
Mark Ongje citiraoпре 2 године
Relaters will look out for each other, but often not in a vocal sense. They will run from conflict and often avoiding saying how they really feel if they perceive the environment might put them on the spot or bring them unwanted attention.” Many of the Relaters had facial expressions that indicated validation, and Cybil was surprised that even she hadn’t noticed they’d been skipped. “So, now the question becomes, how do we avoid doing things just like this, skipping over team members, or habitually moving forward on a project, without ensuring that we really do have buy in or participation from even those team members
Mark Ongje citiraoпре 2 године
You see, those of us who are not in the Relater high-scoring column didn’t notice that we failed to ask for their show of hands earlier today.
Mark Ongje citiraoпре 2 године
fact, with this type of information, you can develop a road map for your relationships that tells you where they go in their behavior before you feel like telling them where to go with their behavior
Mark Ongje citiraoпре 2 године
Cybil couldn’t imagine being like Dave and not having a desire to do more or be more. She couldn’t imagine not being able to focus, which her son seemed to struggle with. However, clearly, today her Entertainer kept coming out as she failed to focus regularly. “Focus, Cybil, focus!” she thought to herself. Why did she seem to have to say that so often?
vidannyy9615je citiraoпре 2 године
Most people aren’t difficult by nature. They’re different, and we make them difficult by expecting them to be just like us and then choosing to see them as difficult when they aren’t. We then label them as difficult, and it becomes the explanation we use for their behavior, so that everything they do, we see through the filter of that explanation
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