Hermosa

it isn’t safe for us to be human here

I let you go. I can live like this.

if I never forget you. if you’re forever a puncture in my lungs. if I go around wheezing your name. like a dusty accordion. I think it’s okay. I can survive like this

we did not work out. that’s fine.
the years will take care of the ache.
what we learned of each other is still alive—
go be happy;
come tell me about it someday

I have seen enough of the world to know that it has always been you. I return to you with open arms. my beautiful city. Los Angeles. I choose you in this life, in my parents’ lives and in the lives they left to bring me to you.

take this, my story.
eat it and remember me.

I don’t know what the other end will look like but I know I will find myself there.

your lover leans in. promises the right things with one hand on your thigh. you linger but you swear it's only for a little. grow numb and forget about breaking up. it's like you fall asleep. settle into staying. you’re all in again.

but remember why you have to go.

this time it is real.

finally. you are gone.

you wish your goodbye had taken longer.

crying into his lap / making bets about politics / arguing but never leaving / knowing he sees me / all of me / and still stays

never speaking over me / listening even when he disagreed / drunken phone calls to murmur he loves me / reading the same book