Should I Stay or Should I Go

Fitzgerald may have captured it best when he classified narcissists such as Tom and Daisy Buchanan as careless: “They were careless people, Tom and Daisy—they smashed up things and creatures and then retreated back into their money or their vast carelessness or whatever it was that kept them together, and let other people clean up the mess they had made.” Narcissists are precisely that: careless.
They barrel through life, using relationships and people as objects, tools, and folly. While they often seem as if they are cruel or harsh, that is in fact giving them too much credit. They are simply careless. And they do expect other people to clean up their messes.

We are all good enough. In fact, I would argue we are all more than enough. The idea of not being “enough” is usually driven by forces outside of us. When someone says,“I am not good enough,” my response is,“For whom?”

Narcissists are masters of projection (denying their own feelings or behavior and projecting it onto others), and this can often leave you experiencing their emptiness as well.

First, however, check off the ones that are most relevant (these items link back to the quiz as well):

■ Lack of Empathy
■ Grandiose
■ Entitled
■ Manipulative
■ Angry and Rageful
■ Paranoid
■ Hypersensitive
■ Jealous
■ Lack of Guilt/Lack of Insight
■ Needs Constant Admiration and Validation
■ Lying
■ Everything is a Show
■ Projection

Keep your heart open, your mind wise, and your soul mindful. Learn from your experiences, but do not let them define you.

Tolkien writes, “Your time may come. Do not be too sad. . . . You cannot be always torn in two. You will have to be one and whole, for many years. You have so much to enjoy and to be and to do.”

Desmond Tutu who said,“Forgiving is not forgetting; it’s actually remembering—remembering and not using your right to hit back. It’s a second chance for a new beginning. And the remembering part is particularly important. Especially if you don’t want to repeat what happened.”

You are empathic and compassionate, and those are gifts, this relationship does not have the power to rob you of that and in turn rob you of your inner happiness. This is but one episode in the complex tapestry that is your life. Remain aware that you do not abandon your humanity, kindness, and gratitude in the face of this. Take a long look at the good people around you and feel grateful for them. Take a long look at the people who have challenged or even hurt you, dig deep, and find that compassion. This relationship has inflicted enough damage in your life; do not allow it to keep stealing your sense of well-being by stealing your compassion.

Dalai Lama says “only the development of compassion and understanding for others can bring us the tranquility and happiness we all seek.”

It is out of the ashes that kingdoms can rise. It really comes down to your willingness to shift your focus out of the past and into the present and the future.