Football Wit

One of the most difficult tasks I had
on match days was shaking hands
with the opposing manager if I’d lost.
Brian Clough

Some teams are so negative they
should be sponsored by Kodak.
Tommy Docherty

My local football team are so
bad, every time they get a corner
they do a lap of honour.
Bob Monkhouse

Jose Mourinho turned down the
position of Pope when he heard
it was only an assistant position.
Harry Pearson

Is scoring a goal better than sex?
Well it’s about five years since I did
either, so I must decline to answer
that question on grounds of amnesia.
Ken Cunningham

I don’t think we’ll go down. But
then again, the captain of the
Titanic said the same thing.
Neville Southall on Everton’s chances
of avoiding relegation

Alcoholism V Communism
Banner on display during the 1982 World
Cup when Scotland were playing Russia

As a small boy I was torn between
two ambitions: to be a footballer or
to run away and join a circus. At
Partick Thistle I got to do both.
Alan Hansen

When he came to the club, all he
could say in English was ‘Yes’, ‘No’
and ‘Morning’. A week later he’d
added ‘Thank you’ and ‘Budweiser’.
Jim Duffy on his Czech signing, Dusan Vrto

The English football team
– brilliant on paper, shit on grass.
Arthur Smith