Caught Up

Miller drops her forehead to mine, eyes closed in relief, speaking quietly. “Today was a good day.”

There were so many times I said that this summer with the fear that they were going to all end, but now . . .

“They’re all going to be good days, Miller.”

You don’t need everyone to know your name for it to mean you’re doing something great with your life. Trust me, when the right person knows your name, it’s enough.”

I just don’t want you to be so afraid to fail at something new that it keeps you from finding your happiness when you’re the reason I found mine.”

“Miller,” he says, making sure my attention is on him. “If you ever decide to stop running and make a home . . . Make it with me.”

“Miller, you’re not just another person.” He won’t look at me, his attention locked on the ground, and I catch the first tear fall from under his glasses, hitting the floor. “You put me first when I forgot how to. You reminded me what it felt like to be important, to be chosen first. I know you wanted this to be easy and detached, but you’re fucking in here.” His fingers meet his chest, tapping it a couple of times, blue eyes meeting mine, and full of pain. “You’re everywhere, and when you leave tomorrow, I’ll still see you everywhere. In this kitchen. In Max’s room. In my bed. There’s nothing about us that’s easy. This is fucking miserable, Miller, knowing there’s a clock counting down the seconds until I don’t have you anymore, but I’d do it all over again. I’d fall in love with you all over again. I’d break my heart all over again because loving you was one of the two greatest surprises of my life.”

life is so much more than the money you make or the status of your job. It’s about chasing your joy.

“If I quit, I’d feel like a failure.” Miller’s voice shockingly cracks a bit, so I pull her into me, allowing her to speak her mind, drunkenly or not. “I thought I just needed a break this summer to get my groove back, but it doesn’t simply feel like burnout anymore. It feels like I’ve spent my whole life chasing a career that I’m realizing, regardless of the awards and the prestige, isn’t all that fulfilling. And over the last seven weeks I’ve been the happiest I’ve ever been, chasing Max around, spending time with my dad, being with you.”

“Mills, you’re twenty-five. You could change directions a hundred more times in your life, and you’d still never be a failure. You’re too hard of a worker to ever be considered a failure. Life is meant to be spent chasing happiness.”

“Hi.” I find myself curving into him. “Did you bring me coffee?”

“A chai.” He reaches the cup over my shoulder, putting it in my hand.

“I’ve been dreaming of this. Every night as you slept just outside my house, I fell asleep after exhausting myself, trying to convince myself to leave you alone. But I fucking can’t anymore. I want you. Fuck, do I want you. You’ve been torture, and I don’t want to fight it anymore.”

She stares right at me, not backing down. “Kai, I am not your problem.”

My attention dips to her lips. “Be my problem.”