On Grief and Grieving

Tears can often be seen as dramatic, too emotional, or a sign of weakness. But in truth, they are an outward expression of inner pain.

It would be unrealistic to have done everything in life. It would also be just as unrealistic to have been perfect and have no regrets. Forgive yourself. ­Isn’t it true that if you could have made better choices, you would have? You did the best you could at that time of your life.

In terms of regrets around our loved one who died, if there are things you wish you’d said, know that you can still say them in your heart to your loved one. It’s never too late to say, “I’m sorry. Forgive me and I forgive you. I love you and I thank you.”

of a loved one is a very depressing situation, and depression is a normal and appropriate response

Losses are very personal and comparisons never apply. No loss counts more than another. It is your loss that counts for you. It is your loss that affects you. Your loss is deep and deserves your personal attention without comparison

They may try to console you in the only way they know. But your loss stands alone in its meaning to you, in its painful uniqueness.

You will survive, though you may not be sure how or even if you want to.

It seems strange that the clocks in the world continue when your inner clock does not.

Finding acceptance may be just having more good days than bad. As we begin to live again and enjoy our life, we often feel that in doing so, we are betraying our loved one. We can never replace what has been lost, but we can make new connections, new meaningful relationships, new interdependencies. Instead of denying our feelings, we listen to our needs; we move, we change, we grow, we evolve.

We begin to live again, but we cannot do so until we have given grief its time.