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Citati iz knjige „Something Bright, Then Holes“ autora Maggie Nelson

How did it come
to this, and does it matter? We aim
to be gentle, but end up cruel
The dog doesn’t care, she prances
You are gone now, truly
and to look you up in the dictionary
is no longer possible or
enough.
You came to salt the earth
and you salted it, but I was too tired of mourning
to mourn any more.
My heart just can’t break any more, now that
it has changed substance, is full
of fluid and fire and air and turning
like a little wheel in its broth
Want the bridge suddenly to double its span
so the only parameter becomes the vanishing
of my already thin-soled shoes
You ask if we went home and fucked, I say we did
and you are happy, and I love the way the word Fuck
comes out of your wired mouth, as if desire can never be
closed down or tortured out, as if Fuck will always bubble out
of a metal forest.
Maybe we could
keep each other warm. And you emptied yourself
twice into my throat and I remain utterly starved
for more, the smell of one sex intimating the smell of another
but who am I kidding
Or every time you think it’s over
there’ll be something more brutal
left to say.
I charge myself with
impatience, chicanery
then call you for
the diagnosis
I know I could read your poems
in the dark, but I am allowed only one
a day, and even that’s
too much.
I reread
your letters, and remember
correctly: you wanted to eat
through me.
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