Stuff I've Been Feeling Lately

You want the happily ever after

you always thought you deserved,

but the only thing actually promised

in this life is uncertainty.

I’m not the one who got away.
Late nights and loneliness
have built me up in your head.
Letting go of even the wrong heart
can play tricks on one’s mind,
confusing two souls that
once mated for soul mates.
So, please, the next time
the smell of Chanel fills up a room
and you find yourself
reminded of me, remember:
I never even wore perfume

I love her after her first sip of coffee

or her last sip of wine.

to friends and enemies,

to happy birthdays and hungover mornings,

to harsh realities and unattainable daydreams,

It is impossible to escape this world unscathed.

So, embrace this m e s s y,

un certain existence

and live

I carry you with me all of the time, but I feel your absence most on the days when I’m the happiest.

Not when I need you here the most,

but when I want you here the most.

I believe grief is like a shadow.

The strongest people I know
make the decision every day to wake up
and place their two feet on the ground

Some things slow my world down but nothing has truly

stopped it from spinning.

I don’t give up;

even when I feel defeated

and proclaim,

I give up,

I never really do.

What I’ve been carrying quietly

on my shoulders for years

the only thing actually promised
in this life is uncertainty.