29Polica za knjige

Citati iz knjige „How To Be A Woman“ autora Caitlin Moran

EDITOR: Could you just do a quick phoner and ask her? Ask her when she wants to become a mother. I think the piece needs it . . .
Only with the women, though. I’ve never once been asked to do it with a male interviewee. You never get asked to ask Marilyn Manson if he’s been hanging around in JoJo Maman Bébé, touching tiny booties and crying.
I can feel the breath in my throat catching, like vomit

I can feel the breath in my throat catching, like vomit

When Simone de Beauvoir said, “One is not born a woman—one becomes one,” she didn’t know the half of it.
Personally, I feel the time has come for women to introduce their own Zero Tolerance policy on the Broken Window issues in our lives—I
we live in a climate where female pubic hair is considered distasteful, or famous and powerful women are constantly pilloried for being too fat or too thin, or badly dressed, then, eventually, people start breaking into women, and lighting fires in them. Women will get squatters
Would Jane Austen’s characters have spent pages and pages discussing all the relationships in their social circle if they’d been a bit more in control of their own destinies?
But believing in an afterlife totally negates your current existence. It’s like an insidious and destabilizing mental illness. Underneath every day—every action, every word—you think it doesn’t really matter if you screw up this time around because you can just sort it all out in paradise.
That there are lessons that motherhood can teach you that simply can’t be replicated elsewhere—and every other attempt at this wisdom and self-realization is a poor and shoddy second
Fifteen-thousand-pound bottles of vintage champagne; hot-air balloons flying over wildebeest migrations; sharkskin shoes with a diamond on the sole; Paris: these are all, ultimately, consolation prizes for those who don’t have access to a small, ideally slightly grubby child whom they can mess around with, poke and squash a little—high on ridiculous love.
We have no Mozart; no Einstein; no Galileo; no Gandhi. No Beatles, no Churchill, no Hawking, no Columbus. It just didn’t happen.


You can always tell when a woman is with the wrong man, because she has so much to say about the fact that nothing’s happening.
Pornography is as old as humankind itself. Practically the first action of the Neanderthal—on the happy day he evolved out of the monkey egg—was to draw a picture on a cave wall of a man with an enormous willy. Or, indeed, perhaps it was the first action of a woman. After all, we’re more interested in (a) cocks and (b) decorating.
“Happy Birthday TO YOU!” everyone sings to me. “I went to THE ZOO. I saw a FAT MONKEY—and I THOUGHT IT WAS YOU!”
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