Facebook Quotes and Status Updates

Coffee first, your bullshit second

Friendship must be built on a solid foundation of alcohol, nudity, inappropriateness, and shenanigans.

suggest we drink before we go out drinking.

I really should send my liver a fruit ba

really should send my liver a fruit basket.

You’re not totally useless, you can be used as a bad example.

When I die I want my last words to be, “I left a million dollars under the…”