Summary of Lindsay C. Gibson's Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents

Emotionally mature people are considerate and respect your boundaries. They seek closeness and an emotional connection, not intrusion. They respect your individuality and encourage you to be your best self. They don’t tell you how to think or feel, and try to understand your point of view.

Emotionally immature parents think they’re entitled to respect from their children just because they’re in the role of parent. They think they’re free from the obligation to respect their children’s boundaries and privacy.

Emotionally immature people want to be noticed by others, but when someone notices them they push them away. They use passive aggressiveness as a tactic to get their point across, instead of being straightforward about what they want.

Ambivalence is a sign of emotional maturity. If you can feel happy and sad at the same time, or angry and loving at the same time, then you can handle the complexities of life.

Emotionally immature parents tend to prioritize their children’s physical needs and ignore their emotional ones. They believe that showering their children with gifts or caring for them when they’re sick is enough evidence of their love.

Emotionally immature people are afraid of being emotionally close to others, so they keep their distance. They don’t want to feel vulnerable, so they don’t show their feelings or talk about them. They don’t want to be hurt, so they keep people at arm’s length.

. As kids, they were not allowed to express their feelings, so they had to learn to suppress them, resulting in a limited capacity for emotional intimacy.

Emotionally immature people tend to lack empathy. They almost never try to put themselves in other people’s shoes or understand things from their perspective. They don’t have the ability to truly understand how the other person is feeling which prevents them from building meaningful connections.

Emotionally immature people are self-preoccupied and constantly anxious. Their self-worth changes based on people’s opinions of them, so they try to appear perfect at all times. Because of their self-involvement, they tend to prioritize their needs over other people’s feelings.

Emotionally immature people are impulsive and act on the basis of what feels good in the moment. They often have a low tolerance for stress and tend to blow things way out of proportion. Moreover, they can get really defensive if you criticize them or disagree with them.