The Power of Self-Coaching

Take responsibility for your thoughts:
because they become actions.
Take responsibility for your actions:
because they become habits.
Take responsibility for your habits:
because they become your personality.
Take responsibility for your personality:
because it will become your destiny.

Life is a challenge for everyone, not just you. Just as there are rainy days and sunny days, health and sickness, life is what it is: a challenge. And an opportunity.

Only death is choiceless. Once in a while, when life pelts me with too many obstacles, I remember that I’m alive, and as long as I’m alive, I’ll be okay. And if I’m not feeling okay, then I’ll do whatever it takes to change! Of course, there are always those who will moan, saying they’re trying to change, but they just can’t be happy until they get into that particular college, land that job, or marry Mr. Right. If your happiness depends on what’s on the other side of the mountain, then for your sake, I hope you have good climbing shoes.

The past cannot dictate your future unless you let it.

By staying focused on one manageable task at a time, you don’t allow thoughts to wander into the what-if mode of Reflexive Thinking.

Remember, it’s just your habit of insecurity that stands between you and the changed life you want. Nothing else.

Four Ways to Beat Any Habit
1. Begin to cultivate a lighter, less serious response to your struggle. Take the air out of these problems by minimizing rather than maximizing their importance. Anxiety—just a habit! Depression—just a habit! Lack of success—just a habit! Unhappiness—just a habit!
2. Notice the primitive, child connection to your Reflexive Thinking. Tell yourself, If I were to say this thought out loud, people would laugh at me. Admit how silly you sound when you whine and moan about not being able to handle life.
3. Inject consciousness into the picture using Self-Talk. It’s time to replace fiction with fact. You now realize why you don’t need to control life. Be courageous enough to simply live it!
4. Fortified with your new perspective, go out and win a few battles. Start with a few small challenges and build some momentum and confidence.

“It’s your habit of anxiety that has you confused and convinced that you can’t handle life. Just because you feel this way doesn’t mean it’s true. Habits can easily distort how you see things. When someone quits smoking, and that person feels that he or she can’t live without another cigarette, do you think this is true? Do you think that person will die? Or do you think it’s the nicotine habit talking? Just like the guy quitting smoking, you need to figure out who’s telling you that you can’t handle life: is it you, or is it your habit of insecurity?”

You need to know what to change, and how to change, and you need to be convinced that you can do it. It all breaks down to those two important words I told you about early in this book: control and habit. Knowing what’s happening can empower you with the knowledge that all habits are learned, and all habits can be broken. This is motivating.

3. Every problem has a solution, and sometimes I have to wait for an answer.