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Elena Ferrante

The Lost Daughter

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    Menna Abu Zahraje citiralaпрошле године
    dancing, polite grandsons with grandmothers, fathers with ten-year-old daughters, old women with old women, children with children, tourists and local people. Suddenly Giovanni was standing in front of me, asking me to dance.
    Menna Abu Zahraje citiralaпрошле године
    I slowed down: not because my fear was lessening but out of dignity.
    Menna Abu Zahraje citiralaпрошле године
    “She doesn’t want you to talk to me?”
    She frowned angrily.
    “According to her I mustn’t do anything.”
    Menna Abu Zahraje citiralaпрошле године
    I like dancing, I like to watch people dance. The orchestra started with a tango; it was mainly older couples who ventured out, and they were good. Among the dancers I recognized Giovanni, whose steps and figures had a serious intensity. The spectators multiplied, the circle around the edges of the square expanded. The dancers, too, grew in number, and their competence diminished. Now people of all ages were danc
    Menna Abu Zahraje citiralaпрошле године
    The day slipped by slowly between showers, sun, fruit, work.
    Menna Abu Zahraje citiralaпрошле године
    predictable and therefore reasonable.
    Menna Abu Zahraje citiralaпрошле године
    The professor who had invited me was reserved, brooding, a gruff man.
    Menna Abu Zahraje citiralaпрошле године
    I never complained; in fact it seemed to me pre
    Menna Abu Zahraje citiralaпрошле године
    I ran to my room, feeling as if all the liquids inside me were boiling up under my skin; I was filled with pride.
    Menna Abu Zahraje citiralaпрошле године
    I was overwhelmed by myself. I, I, I: I am this, I can do this, I must do this.
    Menna Abu Zahraje citiralaпрошле године
    Ah, to make them invisible, to no longer hear the demands of their flesh as commands more pressing, more powerful than those which came from mine.
    Menna Abu Zahraje citiralaпрошле године
    He looked at me circumspectly, as if something about me, for a moment, had alarmed him.
    “Did you hear,” he asked me, “about that poor child whose doll was stolen?”
    Menna Abu Zahraje citiralaпрошле године
    Starting in early adolescence I learned to be extremely disciplined: I chase thoughts out of my head, put pain and humiliation to sleep, push anxieties into a corner.
    Menna Abu Zahraje citiralaпрошле године
    Suddenly she burst out laughing, but I understood that she wasn’t laughing in fun, there was a bad feeling about it.
    Menna Abu Zahraje citiralaпрошле године
    In the car I put on an old David Bowie album, and listened the whole way to the same song, “The Man Who Sold the World”; it was a part of my youth.
    Menna Abu Zahraje citiralaпрошле године
    I felt very unhappy. I had a sense of dissolving, as if I, an orderly pile of dust, had been blown about by the wind all day and now was suspended in the air without a shape.
    Menna Abu Zahraje citiralaпрошле године
    As soon as I saw Rosaria leave the umbrella and move off alone, legs wide, toward the shore, I joined her. She wasn’t happy to see me and did nothing to hide it.
    Menna Abu Zahraje citiralaпрошле године
    How many things did I scream at her that it would have been better not even to think.
    Menna Abu Zahraje citiralaпрошле године
    Yes, my daughters humiliate me, especially with English, they are ashamed of the way I speak; I realized it when we went abroad together.
    Menna Abu Zahraje citiralaпрошле године
    She responded to my questions in monosyllables, coldly.
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