Get the Self-Esteem Habit

Goals
1. Learn to like yourself
2. Learn to value yourself
3. Learn to care for yourself
4. Learn to respect yourself
5. Learn to take responsibility for your own actions
6. Learn to accept yourself

Kindness is one of the most important and decent emotions. But we all need to learn to be kind to ourselves as well as to other people.

competitive environment.
And we all know people who are hugely capable but who would almost sooner die than speak up in a meeting. And there are plenty of individuals who are quick to accept blame every time anything goes wrong, because they don’t believe that they can ever get things right.

I’ve also seen clients who avoid promotion, because they don’t want to draw attention to themselves, or they hate having to tell other people what to do. In any organisation or walk of life, if you look closely you will find individuals doing quite menial jobs who could clearly do much better for themselves because they’re intelligent and hard-working people. Why? Because they are sure they’ll fail in a

, if you develop good self-esteem, you won’t become nastier and more inward-looking. Quite the reverse. You’ll become more calmly confident, more content, and far more accepting of everyone else.

By contrast, do try to notice when you’re overly critical of yourself, and try to stop putting yourself down. When you are unnecessarily hard on yourself, you will not feel much liking or love for you. And your mood will get worse, not better.

, accepting yourself does not mean that you must condone your tendency to put things off, or your timidity, or your obesity, or your bad temper. What it does mean is that no matter how much some of your behaviour needs changing, you will still accept and value yourself.

So, goal six is all about learning to accept yourself unconditionally while recognising that we are all fallible human beings who are bound to make mistakes – and behave badly – from time to time.
Here’s an example.

So, accepting yourself does not mean that you must condone your tendency to put things off, or your timidity, or your obesity, or your bad temper. What it does mean is that no matter how much some of your behaviour needs changing, you will still accept and value yourself.

And when you do that, you’ll find that you’ll feel more powerful and confident, and that you’ll start feeling better equipped to begin changing those bits of your behaviour that you can alter and want to alter.

In fact, the interesting thing is that the more you accept yourself, the more you’ll feel justified in spending time and energy on improving yourself. Try to encourage this new view – and also encourage yourself to foster a belief that you’re just as special as anyone else and that you have the same rights as other people, and that you deserve happiness.

By contrast, do try to notice when you’re overly critical of yourself, and try to stop putting yourself down. When you are unnecessarily hard on yourself, you will not feel much liking or love for you. And your mood will get worse, not better.

with a practice in Harley Street. She has published a total of twelve books,